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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Corpse Disposal Made Simple

*Disclaimer* Murder is against the law. Do not commit murder. Do not construe this article as encouraging you to commit murder. This is for educational purposes only. *Disclaimer*

Before we begin class, make sure you have the following items:
A shovel (you may also want a pick if the ground's hard)
An extra set of clothes
Antiseptic wipes
Two large tarps (preferably brown)
A bag of quicklime
A ball peen hammer (or other hammer)
A metal file
A good, sharp knife (serrated is best)
An adult diaper
Large garbage bag
Gasoline (or other accelerant)
Ammonia

Dig a grave (depending on how paranoid you are) 3-6 feet deep somewhere remote *before* you kill anyone. Leave the shovel in there with a bag of quicklime. Put a tarp over the grave and put leaves and shit over the tarp. In case you're retarded, be sure to weigh the edges of the tarp down with large rocks. So far, your only crime is trespassing and maybe conspiracy if your lawyer's incompetent.

When you kill your victim, take precautions not to drop any identifying evidence, i.e. DNA and fingerprints. You don't have to worry too much about DNA as they can't trace it back to you without you being a suspect first, and if you do everything else right, you won't be a suspect. If you do "spill" anything, use the ammonia to clean it up. Nothing fancy, a bottle of Mr. Clean will do the trick. Also, when the victim finally dies, put the diaper on them as soon as possible. Trust me on this. --
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