No More Internet for Them (or "I'm too dumb to know how to safeguard my computer.")

"Stephen Seemayer had the first Pong video game system on his block. A decade later, the Echo Park artist was the first in his neighborhood to get a personal computer. And in 1996, he was so inspired by the World Wide Web that he created a series of small paintings for viewing over the Internet.

Now the 50-year-old Seemayer is once again on the cutting edge: Sick of spam clogging his in-box and spyware and viruses crashing his system, Seemayer yanked out his high-speed connection."

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Here's some tips to help ya out, Stephen:

1. Use a free, non-vital email account when entering an email on sites online. I use a junk yahoo! account I made for that purpose, only give my main email to my friends or colleagues. Less spam that way.

2. Use products like Ad-Aware and Spybot to rid your computer of spyware. And for God's sake, stop visiting those pesky Russian porn sites. Duh.

3. VIRUS PROTECTION SOFTWARE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

C'mon, people. It's not that freaking hard, don't don your Luddite cloaks and burn your PCs just yet.

Oh, wait. They don't use their online accounts anymore, so they will have no way of reading this. Maybe one of their enlightened friends will pass on the knowledge that will set them free.