AntiMagnet: We Support the guy in china who sells these idiotic magnets

Why are you doing this?

We believe that there is strong possibility that the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan might be a little far away or maybe even a little too busy to be checking out the pseudopatriotic magnet on the back of a 1986 Geo Metro as it drives down I-95 or sits in an Olive Garden parking lot.

Why do you hate America?

We don't hate America, we hate that people think slapping a stupid magnet on the back of their car has meaning. Mostly everyone in this country supports the troops and hopes they will return safely. Maybe you should be telling them directly in person, on the phone or in a letter and not driving around with a big magnetic banner you probably got at Wal*Mart that simply attempts to prove to everybody but the troops that you support the troops more than everybody else.

Hey, what about the pink breast cancer ribbon, though? What are you PRO-CANCER or something you black-hearted JERK?

Oh, we're sure they're useful.

For example, say you're stuck in traffic on the Williamsburg bridge in your 2003 Chevy Suburban, and another guy, who is a breast cancer researcher, is stuck behind you talking to his wife on his cell phone. He tells her that he has just dropped the kids off at violin practice, he took the garbage out before he left -- he even unplugged the coffee maker, but he just can't shake this strange nagging feeling that he has forgotten to do something. Just as those words come out of his mouth, he glances up and sees your pink magnetic breast cancer ribbon that has "Find a Cure" written across it, at which point he comically slaps his forehead and exclaims:

"Ohhhhhh YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I FORGOT TO DO!!! YOU KNOW, FUCKING CURE CANCER! HAHA, I TOTALLY FUCKING FORGOT THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. WTF! I TOTALLY SPACED! LOL! :P."

Hey, I'm the Chinese guy selling this magnet crap -- WHAT ABOUT ME, DAMN YOU!?

Sorry Chinese guy, it's nothing personal. China's still cool.

Okay, how about some discount herbal v1agra?

LA LA LA -- I can't hear you Chinese Guy.

Why do the bottom two bumper stickers cost more?

Not only do we provide you the materials to propagate your own backlash against our backlash, we provide you the materials to propagate your own backlash against our backlash against our backlash -- AND YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT PRICE?

I've got a funny picture of somebody's car where they have combined "the magnet" with other items of embarassing political or social sentiment -- what should I do?

E-mail it to jaybarnes@gmail.com and we may post it in a gallery! Make sure it's funny, though.

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Let the flamewar begin. I think there are better ways to support the young men and women out there than a stupid magnet, send them a care package.