Son, You'll Always Remember Your First Time, Because I'm Going To Film It | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

"I know you've been attending a lot of parties recently. And while you may think your dad is clueless, I'm clued-in enough to realize that pretty soon you're going to start experimenting with sex. Nothing much I can do about it, I realize. But I do want to tell you one thing: No matter how old you get, or how many partners you have, you will always remember your first time. Why? Because I'm going to film it.

I can hardly believe you've grown so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was videotaping your conception." (more)