5ives: Five possible career moves for John Ashcroft

"Five possible career moves for John Ashcroft

1. become genial TV spokesman for Crisco, the preferred ad hoc head-anointing oil of evangelicals everywhere
2. hang out at the food court; throw piping-hot buffalo wings at breast-feeding mothers
3. take internet veterinary course; learn to euthanize cats
4. write and produce one-man, all-singing, all-dancing revue: Room 101!
5. find similar country with too damned many civil rights on the books"

(chunked from 5ives)