† WHERE IS JESUS? †

† WHERE IS JESUS? †:

please bless my family.
~mike

Dear Mike,

While I generally reserve eternal damnation and hellfire for those individuals who are particularly hateful and evil, I similarly reserve "blessed" status for those individuals who have shown a unique capacity for meekness. While it is unlikely that all members of your family will be sufficiently meek to meet My exacting standards, it is possible that one or even two may be worthy of blessed status. Please prepare a detailed application for each individual family member, along with specific examples of how and when they have been meek, and I shall consider them along with the hundreds of other submissions. If they are sufficiently meek to warrant inheriting the earth, I will contact you at a later date.

Your host of hosts,
Jesus

P.S. If you visit My store, you will see that he who refills My beer shall also inherit the Earth. Just a tip. Buy yourself a Frosted Grail!