How to Prevent Homosexuality

In his outstanding book Preventing Homosexuality: A Parent’s Guide, clinical psychologist Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., offers these guidelines:

1. Don’t worry about the occasional cross-gender behavior of your preschool child.

2. Become concerned if you see evidences of gender confusion or doubt in your child from ages 5 to 11. “[T]here is a high correlation between feminine behavior in boyhood and adult homosexuality.”

3. Recognize that most homosexuals “were not explicitly [so] when they were children. More often, they displayed a ‘nonmasculinity’ that set them painfully apart from other boys: unathletic — somewhat passive, unaggressive and uninterested in rough-and-tumble play. A number of them had traits that could be considered gifts: bright, precocious, social and relational, and artistically talented.” Tip: Discern whether your boy struggles with feelings of “not belonging.” If he does, seek help.

4. The father plays an essential role in a boy’s normal development as a man. “The truth is, Dad is more important than Mom. Mothers make boys. Fathers make men.… Girls can continue to grow in their identification with their mothers. On the other hand, a boy has an additional developmental task — to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father.”

This starts about 18 months of age. The father needs to be there physically and emotionally to affirm his son’s maleness for the remainder of the preschool years (and beyond, especially during puberty).

“A boy needs to see his father as confident, self-assured and decisive. He also needs him to be supportive, sensitive and caring. Mother needs to back off a bit. What I mean is, don’t smother him.” Tip: Single mothers may need to recruit a trustworthy male role model.

5. “The late Irving Bieber, a prominent researcher, observed that prehomosexual boys are sometimes the victims of their parents’ unhappy marital relationship. In a scenario where Mom and Dad are battling, one way Dad can ‘get even’ with Mom is by emotionally abandoning their son.” Give your boy what he needs — and get marital help.

6. Psychologist Robert Stoller said, “Masculinity is an achievement.” In other words, “growing up straight isn’t something that happens. It requires good parenting. It requires societal support. And it takes time.”

7. “Once mothers and fathers recognize the problems their children face, agree to work together to help resolve them, and seek the guidance and expertise of a psychologist who believes change is possible, there is great hope.”--