El Serpento

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASK ME, "WHY ARE YOU BETTER THAN ME? I KNOW YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME, BUT WHY? HOW COME I CAN'T BE BETTER? I KNOW HOW TO MAKE POP-TARTS!" AND I TELL THEM, "BECAUSE I AM EL SERPENTO AND THAT IS THE LAW OF THE LAND AND THE LAW OF MY HAND... AND FIST." THEN THEY START TO UNDERSTAND ME. BUT I WILL WANT TO MAKE THINGS CLEAR ABOUT WHAT THINGS I AM BETTER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO GET BETTER. BECAUSE BEING BETTER MEANS YOU CAN LEARN GOOD LIKE DOLPHIN.

THINGS I AM BETTER:

-SWIMMING AND HOLDING BREATH
-EATING AND HOLDING BREATH
-HOLDING BREATH AND HOLDING THE BREATH INSIDE THAT VERY SAME BREATH
-CRIMES
-SHOWING MUSCLES TO THE LADIES
-SHOWING LADIES TO THE MUSCLES
-MAKING EVERYONE CRY BECAUSE THEY CANNOT HAVE ME OR BE LIKE ME OR BATHE IN MY SPIT.
-DISCOVERING NEW LANDS WHICH I CAN MAKE MORE AWESOME AND CRIME-FILLED SIMPLY BY STEPPING ON THEM
-I HAVE WEBBED FEET. THEY ARE BETTER TOO.
-DOCTORING
-FUNERAL DIRECTORING
-SINGING FOR BANDS WHO I KILL AFTER THE SHOW BECAUSE I DESERVE ALL THE MONEY FROM THAT NIGHT SINCE I HAVE ALL THE TALENT AND THE GOOD BREATHS
-I HELD MY BREATH THE ENTIRE TIME THAT I WROTE THIS LINE-BEING BETTER
WHY I AM BETTER THAN YOU IN MORE WAYS THAN YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY
SWIMMING: WHAT IS HAS DONE FOR ME AND HOW IT WILL DROWN YOU
RECENT BATTLES THAT HUMILIATED MY WORTHLESS OPPONENTS
WEAKLINGS LIKE EL MATEMATICO WHO I HAVE DESTROYED
MY EVIL SIDEKICK WHO WILL KICK YOU IN THE SIDES
MY APPEARANCE IN TEEN MAGAZINE
MY LIFE JOURNAL OF IMPORTANCE
MY FATHER - THE AMAZON
SUCK-UPS, EMAIL ME
EL SERPENTO'S SUPER STORE!
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