McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Implausible Claims Made by Vanilla Ice in His 1990 No. 1 Hit "Ice Ice Baby."

"'Ice is back with my brand-new invention.'

'Turn off the lights and I'll glow.'

'I rock a mike like a vandal.'

'I'm killin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom.'

'I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon.'

'I go crazy when I hear a cymbal and a high hat.'

'I grabbed my nine.'

'I'm a lyrical poet.'

'My style's like a chemical spill.'

'If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram.'

'If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it.'"

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Man, I love McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Here's two other good lists I blogged a while back.

(5.0'd from waxy)
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