Actual "Personal ads" in the Dublin News

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex

addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes,

Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known for

starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the

morning.

------------------------------------------------------

Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by

longtime fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable

woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world

of hatchet-faced bitches.

------------------------------------------------------

Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and

shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes,

maybe more.

------------------------------------------------------

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage

in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady,

with a lovely chest.

------------------------------------------------------

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks

alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

------------------------------------------------------

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old

double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery,

and has an open-minded twin sister.