Boing Boing: Christian Sex Education Long Playing Record Albums

Too, too funny. Here's a snippet, more from Boing Boing:

The Problems of Growing Boys
This time, instead of sawing wood, Dad is boxing with his 12-to-14-year-old son, Bob. The scene quickly shifts, however, to Bob's room where the two have a chat over a Coke (the only such product placement on the recording).

Dad lights up his pipe and starts talking about nocturnal emissions.

DAD:
One of these nights before too long you may find some of it (semen) passes off in your sleep . . .

BOB:
(worriedly) But Dad, that's wrong, isn't it?

DAD:
No, son, it's not wrong . . . No, it's true that to waste the seed deliberately - to do anything knowingly to make it come is a very grave sin. Because God designed that secretion in a man for one purpose. That is to be, well, like one of his raw materials in the creation of a new life . . . Wet dreams are different. Sometimes the supply of semen becomes too great before a man is married and these dreams are sort of a safety valve . . .

BOB:
But Dad, why do fellas get these feelings before they get married?

Dad responds with a metaphor popular in the softcore films of Zalmon King. That is to say that God made sex as necessary as food for survival. Dad adds that sometimes this procreative desire inconveniently appears before the wedding vows are taken and the bloodtests are registered with the county seat.

Dad helpfully offers these words of advice in combating those nagging premarital feelings:

Don't let those thoughts worry you. When they come - and they will every so often - remember that you can always knock them down with a simple one-two punch: a quick little prayer and then some work. Any work or sport just as long as it is hard. Which reminds me - how about going out back and seeing if you can sneak that curve ball past me . . .

Playful music rises as the guys go out back to work off some of those pesky desires Dad stirred up with his special talk.