O.J. was a Ninja

"How could one person be the NFL's greatest running back, star in dozens of Naked Gun movies, kill Nicole and Ron Goldman, and be in two places at once when he did it? Well, O.J. was a ninja... and that is how he was able to chop off everyone's heads and still make it back home within seconds. If the Balaclava fits, you must convict. Of course O.J. was never convicted because fellow ninja Lance Ito was the judge, but we all know the truth."

(snagged from Ninja Prison)